1. You can refer to yourself in the third person and nobody thinks it’s abnormal.
BRIDGET: I sort of threw Bridget under the bus. I made the cops think that she was somehow involved in Gemma’s disappearance.
MALCOLM (apparently unfazed): Why the hell would you do that?
2. Heroin is cool. Hence the rock n’ roll when Malcolm shoots up in his hotel room.
How do I know the phrase “shoots up”?
3. The name “Bodaway Macawie” is supposed to be taken seriously.
4. It is perfectly normal and acceptable for your fifteen-year-old daughter to dress like a hooker.
(And/or Baby Spice.)
5. Eavesdropping is a great way to connect with people.
Andrew Martin listens behind doors. From other rooms. In the closet. He just wants to know what his two favorite girls are really thinking. Invariably, he ends up hearing something that hurts his feelings. And then he acts all pissy about it until Siobhan (a.k.a. Bridget) finds some way to explain what she said so that it turns out to be completely okay.
6. Teenaged step-daughters are inherently evil.
JULIETTE (after Bridget has had a miscarriage): You think you and daddy are going to try again, or—
BRIDGET: I don’t think so. I really just want things to go back to the way they were.
JULIETTE: Maybe we can get a dog instead?
Aside from being a terrible joke, tell me this is not some devious ploy to get Bridget to reveal her true identity by saying she has no intention of making a baby with a man that she is not actually married to…
7. FBI agents are jerks.
Apparently, Machado only helps people he needs.
8. Once you get re-addicted to drugs, you probably will not be able to get clean again.
Malcolm declares that he is going to wean himself off of heroin. Bridget yells at him that it doesn’t work that way. So Malcolm is now a druggie forever.
It’s kinda gross.
9. Josh Groban had a cameo.
Oh, wait. That was just an extra with longish hair.
10. Even in an episode that pretty much sucks, they still manage to do ONE thing that makes me want to keep watching.
Like when Tyler meets Bridget and thinks she is Cora (a.k.a. Siobhan), his American-girlfriend-in-Paris. Woah, WHAT?
Oh. But then they do something dumb. Like when Bridget tells Andrew she wants the marriage to work, baby or no baby. Um… Bridget. You do realize you are essentially committing to be this man’s wife. Do you know what that means? No?
…see point number 6.